I edited it slightly but 98% of it is all him- even the line about me, I swear.
Enjoy.
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Nigga, I’ve been sitting here since 1:30 A.M. waiting for
VirginPussy to walk out of that room with a huge, sweaty smile on his face.
Why you ask?
Because VirginPussy is indeed a virgin and a pussy. That’s
right. This kid has never put his penis inside a girl’s wet hole.
I’ve been trying to get him to rail this one girl for about
5 days now and I’m hoping that today is finally that glorious, orgasmic day.
It’s now 3:58 A.M.
Holy shit.
Something amazing has just happened.
The small crease underneath the door, which was clearly
emitting light, just became dark. Could this be the moment my baby boy becomes
a man? I hope so.
It’s not like he’s a bad looking kid. Like his name says,
he’s just a fucking pussy. Girls want him; they’ve told me this. He just never
makes the first move.
Until tonight- I’m praying.
I hope I’m not just writing this for nothing. If he doesn’t
slam her after the lights went out, I’m going to kick his fucking ass. While he
was putting work in, I was at Tinder Girl’s room putting in my own work.
Unfortunately, that bitch had a roommate who happened to be
there and so my penis did not enter her, much to my dismay.
At least my boy is finally getting his peeper wet. I
remember when I first met that Pussy. It was 2nd grade and we had
just discovered what boners were. He always hated me because our cunt teacher
Mrs. Klein would always give me red cards.
I don’t know why this bitch used red cards to symbolize we
were being bad- bitch this isn’t FIFA.
Anyways, Pussy hated me but since our moms played tennis
together they made us go on play dates. It was that first magical play date
where I knew he would be the one to jerk me off every weekend in high school
when I had no other friends there to stroke me.
I never thought Pussy would go 18 years without having fuck
with a girl but his parents made him go to CBGay, a Catholic school where the
closest vagina is 10 miles away across the street.
Well, it doesn’t matter now as we sit here on November 8th
at 4:06 A.M. Good for this kid. It’s funny how sex works. When you’re a virgin,
one’s pull game seems non-existent. But then that first girl makes it happen
and opens the gate to a flood of pun-tang.
I hope that’s the case for you tonight, Pussy. Please God.
May he thrust her twice in the vagina and make me a proud brother- yes a
brother.
You are my brother, Pussy, and I hope you make me proud. If
not, then hey- it’s not the worst thing in the world- actually wait, no, fuck
you. I set this shit up you better fucking capitalize you piece of shit.
She’s even his type (Asian), well half at least. Is it too
risky to go and listen next to the door? Fuck it I’m going- I’ll be right back.
They’re laughing and I hear someone wiping... There’s music
in the background so at least that’s a good sign.
Let’s take a side note real quick- How the fuck does Justin
keep getting pussy every week? I just don’t get it.
Back to Pussy.
The Asian Andrew just came over to me and asked if I was
reading an essay then rubbed my ear. Go back to Japan you fucker. Jon Jon was
staying up with me to see the end result of Pussy Two Pumps, but now he is
assed out on the chair in the lounge beside me- it’s 4:12 AM
God bless that kid.
I swear, he tries to hit on every girl on the floor and his
pull game is actually great- unlike Kyle who has no game and is all talk. I’m
just waiting for Pussy to exit the room so hopefully he’s not being a soft fuck
and ‘cuddling’ with her.
Get in your own bed you live 15 feet away. My roommate
better be getting laid because I have just wrote the most I have in all of
college about my point of view on him losing his virginity.
Jon Jon better stop fucking snoring.
HOLY SHIT THE BED IS SQUEAKING AND SHE’S MOANING YES YOU
FUCKING SAVAGE I’M SO GOD DAMM PROUD OF YOU.
I‘m inclined to go back and listen bud but I feel wrong- oh
fuck it- I’m going to listen. Hopefully he’ll get more than two pumps in.
Good for you bro, even though I know you are on your second
condom for sure. I don’t really know what else to write here besides that I’m
so proud that you finally grew a pair of balls and now I’m jealous I saw Tinder
Girl and got no pussy myself.
It’s now 4:21 AM. I’m gonna wait a little while longer and
hope that you come out of the room so I can kiss you on the mouth even though I
know Anne has been there already- but I don’t care. You are now the
non-virgin-Pussy. Love you, and congrats on this week’s Rut Slut Award.
Sincerely,
A Huge Fag Who Spends 4 In The Morning Listening To His
Roommate Fuck
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