Atheistjustin Talks About His Job

Looks like its another bullshit night in suck city aka a night where I will be in my dorm wearing underwear and socks as I jerk off aimlessly and watch Netflix documentaries on whale intercourse because my roommate decided to visit his girlfriend in Quinnipiac and "get laid."

Did I spell the name of that school right?

Who gives a shit.

This isn't the first nor will it be the last time I have nothing to do and instead of being productive and doing school work, I'd rather beat off to amateur bukkake and write an angry blogpost to make white people say, "LOL" to other whites.

Fuck you. LOL.

Whatever.

Anyway, I just busted a nut and now I'm angry. This usually is what happens after orgasming- you can ask all of my ex girlfriends.

On a side note, I took some time today to realize that most of my ex girlfriends have blocked me on twitter, Facebook, instagram, and snapchat but at the end of the day I jizzed in your mouth so whose the real winner here?

Girls, you can talk shit about me, block me, make fun of me with your girlfriends, or do whatever else you want- but you can never unsuck my dick.

Hi mom, bet you're really glad you opened up this blog post!

Sometimes the hardest part about having this blog is knowing that I shouldn't advertise it on social media because my parents will probably read it. But at the same time I'm a 19-year old grown ass adult and my penis has been places.

Hi Grandma.

So, anyway, I wanted to tell you all the story of my current occupation. Now, I've already written a small tidbit about my job at a bar where I am the bitchboy who does dishes and cuts lemons, but I want to tell you about my other job.

Hopefully I don't get fired!! :)

I am an assistant gym teacher at a private school.

Is it a good job? No. But sometimes life gives you lemons and you just have to make lemonade. Sometimes life fucks you in the ass with tuition bills and you're not good looking enough to do porn or act or fulfill your dreams so you take up shitty jobs dealing with children and cry yourself to sleep every night with underwear full of semen as your roommate anals his girlfriend- but hey man that's just life.

So, I work with these kids, right. They're about 4-7: so they're the worst possible age. They're the age where they can say things and don't shit themselves, but they're loud and hyper and not cute anymore.

When I first got the job, I thought, "Oh, this will be good because I want to be an English teacher (even though I'm not gonna get hired having this fucking blog) and I love kids."

Here's what I think about it now:

FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.FUCK KIDS.

So you can see, my attitude has changed.

I can only imagine how fun its going to be being a parent.

Children at this age are dirty- just fucking dirty. There's one kid that comes into gym, every single day, brown. He's brown. Not like his skin tone- he's brown covered in dirt and some other fucking shit. His shirt and his face are brown and nobody bothers to clean his ass. He's sticky as fuck. I question how he can walk around like this-like, how does this not bother you? He walks around like a little sticky AIDS virus.

That's just one kid- but here's what its like with ALL of these kids.

When you and I have to blow our nose, we excuse ourselves and blow it out. Now, this may be graphic, but it comes out a nice clear color or maybe a little yellow, right?

Not when you're a fucking 5 year old. No. Instead, they just let that shit sit in there- just sit at the edge of their fucking nostrils and they let their snot oxidize and turn green and it just sits there.

And its gym class, so they get hit and then they cry. And then this fucking green substance pours out of their face like diarrhea from my asshole after too much Hansel & Griddle. The green shit mixes with their tears and their spit and combine together to make a substance that I can only describe to you as, "cum."

It's literally cum.

They walk around with little, tiny, cum faces.

Who has to clean up this cum?

This guy.

It's my main job- basically just to clean the cum-like substance on these tiny little 5-year old faces.

It is a grueling job and the other day I was forced to do it whilst under the pain of a hangover so painful it was equivalent to the earthquakes that shattered Pangea.

There's one little shit face I hate.

I fucking hate this little cocksucker.

His name for all intents and purposes is "Fuckhead" because fuck him.

Fuckhead is a shitty kid. He's just a little shit. He shoves kids, he throws tantrums, and instead of listening to reasoning or listening to me when I speak, he stands still and wails.

His screeches sound like the mixture between the sounds of the Holocaust and the sound of the first plane crashing into the twin towers.

I love my job.

There's no calming this fuckhead down, either. Instead, Fuckhead will just go on a rampage and start throwing over coats and chairs. There's absolutely nothing I can do here. I have 0 power. I am as powerless as an African village.

Do you wanna hear what this little Fuckhead said to me the other day?

Do you want to hear what audacity- what blatant disrespect- what fucking bullshit this little Fuckhead tried to pull on me?

He said to me, "the days you work here are my favorite."

FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUU.

YOU LYING LITTLE FUCKING SHIT YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKHEAD YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO MANIPULATE ME INTO LIKING YOU BY TELLING ME LIES EVEN THOUGH WE ARE BOTH ACUTELY AWARE THAT IF THERE WERE NO 'LAWS' I WOULD HAVE PUNTED YOU ACROSS THIS FUCKING GYM.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKK.


Here's a video of me when I see this kid.

I hope it worked for you. I hope the volume was on full. I hope people overheard it.

Well, it's 10pm and I don't know where my children are but I promise you this, I wish this kid was kidnapped. I wish I never had to see this little Fuckhead ever again.

But, alas, next week I'll probably be at it again.

I will leave you all now with a picture of a fat gay man. Why? Because I'm not creative enough to come up with anything else.